Blonde wife asks if ex-wife's matching hair is an obsession

A reader wrote to the Tribune News Service this week asking how to handle a specific social discomfort. Her husband's ex-wife has recently changed her hair to a blonde shade that matches the reader's own color and style exactly. The reader says the two women are not enemies, but the resemblance creates an awkward visual situation when they sit together at their children's soccer games.

The reader describes the ex-wife as obsessed with the look. She feels embarrassed by the similarity and wants to know the proper etiquette for managing the situation without causing conflict in the blended family dynamic.

The advice columnist responded by suggesting the reader pause before labeling the ex-wife's actions as obsessive. The columnist noted that small towns and tight-knit social circles often lead to shared aesthetic choices. To illustrate the point, the columnist shared a personal anecdote about a bonus daughter who worked as a hairstylist. Years ago, the daughter cut both the columnist's hair and her biological mother's hair in a similar style. The resulting resemblance caused local confusion, with strangers often addressing the wrong woman by name.

The columnist resolved that personal issue by acknowledging the obvious similarity and laughing it off. She told her daughter that the town was too small for two women to look so alike and decided to change her own style. The advice given to the reader is to use similar humor. The columnist recommends addressing the situation lightly rather than making the ex-wife the villain of the story. The reader should avoid asking her husband for his opinion, as that places him in an awkward position between the two women.

If others at the soccer games comment on the resemblance, the reader does not owe them a detailed explanation. A simple remark about sharing a hairstylist can defuse the moment. The columnist emphasized that the fact the women are on good terms is a strength worth preserving. Matching hair should not become a source of friction that alters how they support the children.

The final recommendation is to pick battles carefully. If the ex-wife's behavior is the real problem, the reader should address that conduct directly. But if the issue is strictly visual, a conversation with a stylist and a dose of humor may be sufficient. The goal is to maintain pleasant interactions at family events without letting a hair color dictate the relationship.